I'm every woman...

From the sexist commercials of the seventies - "He thinks he'll keep her", to the anthem of the 90's - "I'm every woman!" women have been trying to redefine themselves since before we had to fight for the vote to getting the "pill".

Well, I'm here to say, "I'm every woman!" - Just not all at once, at the same time to the same people. Frankly, I'm over 50 and am tired of it and it's just starting for me! Could I have not planned my life any better or is it worse, I don't know.

I'm an end of the line baby boomer who missed out on all the rebellion stuff - which was good as I'm as about as rebellious as a piece of over done toast - put a fork in me, I'm done...

I was pathetic during the disco daze - can't dance to save my life! Have no clue as to what is proper or improper bar etiquette - don't really drink.

I had to wait to see Sex in the City until it came on in edited re-runs on TBS, plus I'm closer to Samantha's age than Carrie's and NO ONE would mistake my panda bear mind set for that of Samantha's cougar personality.

I'm either a day late or a dollar short, or both... so back to this woman thing.

My household consists of me, my DH - Norman, my DD - Alexa, my MIL - Joyce and Abby, The Puppy. I'm also a member of the sandwich generation. Although my DH and I are closer in age to retirement. We have his 78 yr. old mother living with us and our 13 year old DD - Alexa across the hall. I need a full time referee from the NFL just for those two alone. Since we were all having such a good time we decided to get a dog! Perfect compliment.

Norman and I wanted one because we missed our last dog who passed away suddenly, Alexa wanted one for the cuteness factor, "I'm not picking up any poop!" can still be heard in our house a year later... Joyce didn't want a dog at all - at least nothing she had to deal with (she hated our previous dog).

Now the Puppy looks at me as pack leader. She will obey me... most of the time and while I baby her I also realize she is a dog. I'm still Mommy to her. During the day she will follow me around, sit in my lap and is for the most part agreeable and obedient. We get along very well. I close doors, don't leave food, clothes, tissues, knee highs, pens, highlighters, baseball cards, underwear and other assorted human dog treats out where she can get them. I've dog proofed the area she is allowed in in the house.

To create peace with the other humans in the house and for the duration of the Puppy's first year, she was restricted to our kitchen, family room and sometimes to the Florida room. This weekend the DH and I decided - ENOUGH! Family get ready - here comes Abby! we took down almost all the gates and cleaned up in the other common areas and everyone was instructed to do the same OR close your door! Simple enough, right...WRONG!

MIL doesn't want her scratching at her door (she can't take the pathetic sound) and she doesn't want the dog she loves (yes, she does, whole other post and story) in her room because there is too much for her (Abby) to get into so MIL will just wait until Abby is "trained not to eat her things..."

Alexa has a room like, well, you know, you've seen it. Just go down a few posts. So she wants the dog to come in but to leave all her stuff alone. This will never happen and Alexa will never clean her room so I periodically will hear a scream for "MOM! Abby's in my room and won't leave my things alone!" Did she think I put her there? It's an idea, but Alexa's shriek is much worse than Puppy's bite.

DH - you'd think I'd have a partner, a like thinking, dog proofing, sympathetic hubby - NOT !! He expects Abby to be Lassie, or Rin Tin Tin or at least every well behaved dog that walks besides it's human behaving perfectly in all those dog food commercials. What was I thinking? This man leaves pens, highlighters, papers, sports magazines all over the house - shoes, socks - don't get me started on the socks!

So I can either be a mother, wife, DIL to my human family and deal with them or I can be Mommy to the Puppy and deal with her - NOT BOTH - at least not at the same time! Abby was fine all day long, we went for a ride in the car this morning, got a biscuit at the bank and a bagel chip at Bagel Jay's - yum! We did a little laundry, ran around the house, she barked at the traffic walking and driving past the front door. We played Frisbee in the backyard, she told me when she had to go out. She had a little lap time while Mom watched 'Young and the Restless' - overall a very good day.

Then the two legged family came home and all hope was lost. She got into MIL's room and scarfed down a chocolate bar - I know BAD, very BAD! Alexa just stood there and yelled to us describing what she was doing in her perfect local reporter style, while doing NOTHING!! MIL threw in her 2 cents on what we were doing wrong (with Alexa too, for good measure). DH's presence just incited the dog to jump up and run around even more. he made dinner (YES) while ignoring all bad behavior, shaking his head at HIS mother's comments and walking away as soon as possible and who was left to clean up and in the middle - ME!

So I promptly ran upstairs, sat down at the computer and wrote this. Can you tell!!!!!! I'll never be every woman - and frankly, in this house, it would kill me first!